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Cerra
13 October 2016 @ 08:36 am
You ever had one of those days, when you're seconds away from crumbling into a sad heap of apathy? Today was one of those days for me. Felt like my sadness was bottomless; that I would continue to be stuck in this sorry state I'm in. And then everything changed when I raised my hands and made a du'a.

One repetitive du'a: "Ya Allah, please take away all of my sadness, my frustrations, my anxiety and my disappointments. Grant me peace of the heart, peace of the mind and peace of the soul." I repeated this many, many times until I realised that I was no longer choking in between sobs. Until my breathing finally slowed down to a calming pace.

And then I look back and wondered, "Apa benda yang buat aku sedih sangat tadi tu?" I felt calmer. At peace. I feel like this day probably wouldn't be so bad.

And all I had to do was just raise my hands and repeat my du'a continuously. Subhanallah.

"Maka nikmat Tuhan yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?"
 
 
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
 
 
Cerra
For my 25th birthday last year, I dropped major hints to my brother that I wanted a brand-new pair of Skullcandy headphones, because the one I had before had a busted cable and was collecting dust at one corner of my room for months. I had been using another pair of headphones that I got for free through a lucky bag contest back in 2013 but the quality was nowhere near comparable. So, I dropped some hints (read: literally told) on where to get it, which model should he be looking for, etc. I was so excited about getting a new pair until my birthday eventually came.

No sign of the headphones.Read more...Collapse )
 
 
Current Mood: touchedtouched
 
 
Cerra
16 February 2016 @ 09:31 pm
So! I decided to give my Livejournal a bit of a makeover; going for a more personalised style considering that I've practically graduated from being a fangirl these days. Gotta say, I'm actually pretty pleased with the revamp. Heh.

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Current Mood: creativecreative
 
 
Cerra
05 December 2014 @ 04:19 pm

She stared at the blinking cursor on the blank word processor. She was about to begin her work when her phone buzzed.

She swiped her index finger across the matte-covered screen on her phone and grinned when she saw the influx of birthday messages from her friends. She felt happy. Happy that they remembered her birthday without the aid of Facebook notification. She felt special. The messages she received managed to distract her from her increasing workload and she was grateful for it.

She leaned back in her office swivel chair as she scrolled through the messages on her phone. After responding to all of them, she hooked her phone to the charger and continued to stare at the blinking cursor.

She began to ponder. 24 years. 24 chapters have passed. There were plenty of things to ponder about. There were plenty of things for her to be grateful about. Her lips curled into a secretive smile as she reminisced some of the significant moments that took place in all her 24 years of living.

That time when she spent her recess time all by herself when she was 12 because she was friendless. That time when she first started to pick up her reading hobby. That time when she placed third for a spelling bee contest. That time when she decided that English was her strength and that she was going to polish it as much as she could. That time when she decided to take up English for her college major. That time when she successfully graduated with a first-class honours degree 4 years after she made her decision. That time when she first applied for the training programme with a renowned translation company. That time when her training was about to end and she was practically at her breaking point; thinking that she had no chance of staying at the place and would need to start all over again at a new company. That time when it was made known that she was successfully shortlisted as one of the candidates to be taken in as permanent staff. That time when she first began her job as an executive at the same company she did her training at; doing the job she dreamt of doing when she was still in college.

Plenty of things and events had taken place throughout her 24th chapter; some good ones, some bad ones. But mostly? They were positive ones. She couldn't have survived every one of them if she didn't have faith in God, nor without supportive people around her. She pondered further and began to realise how blessed she had been all this while.

She leaned in towards her monitor and began tapping rapidly on her keyboard. Instead of doing the task she was given, she typed "24 Things I'm Grateful About This Year" into the word processor.

She paused as she tried to organise her jumbled thoughts into a proper structure before she pen them down. She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply, before she tapped furiously on her keyboard.

"1. The fact that I have people in my life who still remember my birthday even without the help of Facebook notification and how these same people have never failed to wish me every single year."

She paused and pursed her lips. Not a very strong point to begin with but she thought she'd write it down anyway. At least there was something for her to start with.

She then continued to list down the things she was grateful for, with her lips slowly curling into a smile as she typed swiftly, hoping that nobody would catch what she was typing.

She was on a roll.

 
 
Cerra
25 November 2014 @ 10:07 am
She stared into the mirror; her eyes vacant. She ran her pudgy fingers across her face, gently caressing the angry red pimples dotting her chin and below her nose. She heaved an exasperated sigh. Why do I have to look so hideous? she wondered to herself. She then caressed her open-pore-covered cheeks; secretly wishing that by doing so would make the craters disappear. Even the moon’s surface looks better than my face. Seriously, she thought, much to her frustration.

She continued to stare into the mirror; both amazed and disgusted by how her face looked without layers of compact powder that she usually applies whenever she goes out. She wondered how she even survived her life going through with such appearance.

Don’t even get her started on her cellulite-infused thighs, arms and tummy.

It’s not like she had not tried every single method known to man on getting rid of the parasites living on her face; she has completely exhausted every single option and was left to but one brand she could trust.

Even then, it took her years to finally get rid of even bigger pimples that plagued throughout her school life.

She heaved yet another exasperated sigh as she continued to examine her acne-ridden face in the mirror from every possible angle. All those years of polishing clean the plates of nasi goreng USA and chicken chop took a toll on her face and her body. If only she wasn’t so addicted to food. Countless times had she blamed herself for not exercising self-control when it comes to food but obviously, by the swarm of whiteheads on her chin, her countless warnings to herself go unheeded.

She tossed the mirror on her bed and buried her head in her hands. A storm of conflicts brewed inside of her and she felt helpless. It was perfectly obvious to her that there was no way the guy she has feelings for would ever like her back; especially because she looked like a cast from Sunway Lagoon’s horror house.

Except she didn’t need all the special effects make-up to look like she belonged there. She would blend right in with that raw face of hers.

She felt tormented. Her thoughts had been haunting her sleep; sometimes to the point of being so deafening, they kept her awake most of the nights. She hated the way her mind continued to play the deafening thoughts like a broken record. She wanted them to stop. Desperately.

The ugly thoughts had been playing on a loop and she had no way of stopping it. She wanted to be pretty. She wanted to be thin. Why? So that at least she could feel like she deserves to like the guy she has feelings for. As it currently stands, she had been condemning herself for liking a guy who happened to be so much better looking than she deserved to have feelings for. In fact, she condemned herself for helplessly falling for someone she was confident that she would never get. Her past self had more pride than her current self and it made her so frustrated because she felt like she had betrayed the self she worked so hard to build.

The kind of self that would not pay attention to stuff like “having special feelings for a certain guy” or “preparing oneself before getting married”. Deep down, she somewhat hated the kind of helpless self she had turned into. She did not know when or how did she turn out to be the person she is now.

She lifted her face and tears began to silently stream down her pore-ridden cheeks. The silent tears then developed into choked sobs. Soon, she was wailing into her Rilakkuma pillow. She desperately wanted to run away from the feelings that had been shackling her for as long as she could remember. The feelings seemed to taunt her of a love that will never be reciprocated; of someone she could only dream of having.

And she wanted them to stop. She decided it was high time for the thoughts to stop haunting her waking hours and even keep her awake at night.

If only she knew how.
 
 
 
Cerra
I was doing some weeding earlier this afternoon, after my mother requested that both my brother and I pull out the weeds crawling out from the pipes and the cracks of the tiles because they were becoming really unsightly. Since my brother had to go out and get some meds for my mother, I decided to "do the honour", considering it's been a pretty slow day and I didn't even feel like doing anything in my room.

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Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
 
 
Cerra
16 July 2014 @ 01:46 pm
About half an hour after my family and I finished our meals for sahur earlier this morning, my mother went to my room and informed me with a shaky voice, "Sarah...Aunty Zakiah dah takde (Sarah... Auntie Zakiah passed away)".

The news shocked me so much that it rendered me speechless. I knew how much Aunty Zakiah's existence meant to my mum. She was a close friend of hers. A long-time friend, even. Both of them went to the same university, studied the same course and it was long after that they found out that both of them even applied jobs at the same company. Both of them got it and were even placed at the same department at one point. They looked after each other throughout their years at the department and stuck by each other through thick and thin.

It was no surprise that the news reduced both of us to torrential tears.
Remember that you will dieCollapse )
 
 
Cerra
15 July 2014 @ 05:32 pm
Wahai sang srikandi,
Tatkala kau jatuh terduduk,
Dan tidak mampu untuk bangkit semula,
Ingatlah,
Bahawa Dia sentiasa ada untuk membantumu.

Wahai sang srikandi,
Tatkala kau rasa ingin menyerah kalah,
Kerana rasa tidak lagi mampu untuk bertempur,
Ingatlah,
Kau boleh memohon kekuatan daripada-Nya.

Wahai sang srikandi,
Tatkala kau ingin meletakkan senjata,
Dan mengibarkan bendera putih,
Ingatlah,
Ada orang di sekelilingmu,
Yang memberi sokongan kepadamu,
Dan tidak ingin melihat kau menyerah kalah.
Ingatlah,
Kau bukan dan tidak pernah keseorangan.

Wahai sang srikandi,
Tatkala kau mengalirkan air mata,
Kerana kau rasakan betapa peritnya pertempuran ini,
Ingatlah,
Akan tiba satu masa,
Kau rasa jua betapa manisnya kemenangan itu,
Buat orang yang bersabar.

Wahai sang srikandi,
Kesatlah air matamu,
Angkatlah semula senjatamu,
Bangkitlah semula dari kesedihanmu,
Kerana pertempuran ini masih belum berakhir.

Usahlah kau lupa,
Kemenangan dan ketenangan akan kau kecapi jua,
Sekiranya kau terus bertempur,
Dan terus tabah,
Kerana janji-Nya itu pasti.

Wahai sang srikandi,
Usahlah sesekali kau menyerah kalah,
Sehingga kau menghembuskan nafasmu
Buat kali terakhir di bumi ini.

Composed by: Cerra Azizi. 15 Julai 2014. Selasa. 5:18 PM.
 
 
Cerra
Happy Father's Day, Ba.

How long has it been since I last wished you that? It's hard to believe that it's already been 8-and-a-half years since you left us. How have you been, Ba? I hope things are fine with you on the other side. I made sure I sent you Al-Fatihah whenever I start missing you; which happens rather frequently these days. I don't know why. I wonder if it's got anything to do with a crush I'm having right now? *chuckles* Yes, Ba. Your daughter's actually in love right now. Can you imagine that? Even I laugh at myself when I think about it.

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Cerra
30 January 2013 @ 06:33 pm
Today, my friend, Ana, and I decided to try and make strawberry shortcake after getting inspirations from CookingWithDog's video on how to make one.

It was my first attempt, but the second for my friend and as usual, Ana did most of the baking and I did the decoration (if you can even call it that. XDD;;). Although it turned out to be rather visually sloppy, we were pretty glad that the taste turned out alright and compensated for my poor excuse of the decoration. XDD;;



For some reason, the whipped cream didn't thicken the way we wanted to; causing it to slightly melt and look sloppy. :( We decided that the next time we attempt to make this again, we'd do away with whipped cream and stick to the normal icing.

All in all, I figured that baking wouldn't be as much fun if I did it alone. :3